Last Days

I think the best way for me to begin reflecting on the process of leaving my home in Dar is to consider my last day in Tanzania in light of my last day in the States, over two years ago:

December 7th, 2012

My last day in the States included morning Mass and breakfast out with my mom and dad, some last minute final touches on packing, a manicure and pedicure with my mom, a stop at the bank to hand over power of attorney to my dad and a surprise visit from some family members. I had been packed or packing for at least four days, everything was in order and really there wasn’t very much to worry about. All of the necessary things had been done and checked off a carefully crafted to do list- including planned goodbyes to family and friends. 

Despite all of this preparedness, though, I was not happy when I received my surprise visitors. I was anxious and annoyed and worried about losing a few minutes even though the visitors had the kindest intentions. I put on a happy face and welcomed them, but was really preoccupied by wondering if I would have enough time for my last hot shower and final preparations. I think, in total, they might have stayed in our living room for about 10 minutes and, of course, I still had more than enough time to do everything I needed to and arrive at the airport plenty early, even for an international flight.

In hindsight, being present to my visitors in their kindness would have been the best preparation for the next two years of my life . . . but alas, it takes some of us longer to learn such lessons.

Now, flash forward two years, a few days and a transformation of mind and spirit.

December 10th, 2014

I woke up, ran at Loyola, finished some packing I had started the day before, cleaned my bedroom and bathroom all before 8:00 a.m. The rest of the day involved a constant stream of visitors. From when we began to eat our banana pancake breakfast as a community until my last bucket shower a half hour before leaving for the airport, we had guests. You can factcheck with my community-mates, perhaps my memory is a bit distorted, but I think this is a pretty accurate picture of my last day in Dar. 

In fact, I am certain that if I didn’t say to some of my students, “Ok, you have to leave now so that I can bathe,” they would have waited until we packed the car with our bags and maybe even hopped in the trunk. And you know, I was so incredibly grateful for their company, their love and their support. We looked at pictures, told stories, ate cake (lots of cake, thanks to the Nandi family!) and they accompanied me to neighbors’ homes as we said our final goodbyes. Once or twice it crossed my mind that I still wasn’t really packed, hadn’t showered since the night before and probably should wash my hair one last time, but those thoughts faded quickly as another friend knocked on the gate and joined us to celebrate and share our last hours in our Tanzanian home.

And still, we arrived at the airport, despite the chronic traffic jams of Dar es Salaam, with more than enough time to sit, reflect and process the whirlwind of visits and goodbyes of the last week. We even got complimented on our outfits as we went through immigration.

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At this point in this two year transformation, I needed those people supporting me, loving me and showering me with their presence. I never once felt alone or afraid. I couldn’t feel sad and wallow in the pain of leaving; I didn’t have time to. I only had time to be present to the person next time, accompanying me to the end of this part of the journey.

If my last days in each of my homes are any kind of indication, I think I have undergone some kind of transformation- the extent of which I have yet to truly understand, but I invite each of you to continue journeying with me as I rediscover my American home as a Tanzanian-Irish-American for the first time. 

Welcome to our home to say hello! I should probably run this past my parents, but I would love to see you and be reminded of my community of support in my American home. Often, we Americans (myself included) value our schedules and to do lists more than the person in front of us, but Tanzanians have shown me the beauty and joy of accepting visitors and accompanying friends. I hope to share this value with those I love at home. Karibuni wote!